Well, that happened.

Hi, this is going to be boring, overly-detailed, and emotional. But I think the writing is helping. Please skip if relationship dramz bores you. Also, I don't normally swear, but I am right now. And this is going to be long. Real long.

On New Years Eve, I dropped my boyfriend off at work, went and "celebrated" at my mom's (celebrated = fell asleep. Trying not to party anymore and most of my friends were out of town) and came home and went to bed. Boyfriend gets off of work, goes out with friends, and doesn't come home until 7:30 New Year's Day. He went out Christmas Day too. He has a drinking problem, admittedly.

I came home after spending New Year's Day with my family, resolved more than ever to tell him that things were over. I have been talking about it more and more with friends and family, and I know it's the right thing to do. I sat him down and tell him that based on his behavior, I can't do this anymore, and that I should move out. He's quiet, and then agrees (!) saying that he believes our relationship has reached it's maximum potential (!) and that he wants his children to move in so he can support them more to make up for past parenting mistakes.

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Uh, what? I had no idea. I know he'd been talking about having his kids move, but I had no idea he thought we were done. I felt immediately like all the control I had in the relationship-ending dissolved. I was just so surprised! I also had been wondering if he was acting like an ass to make me do the hard work of ending it, high-school style, which maybe he was, I don't know. He says he wasn't doing it consciously, so whatever.

I proceed to have a really hard time with it. Sad that this is ending and that we won't live together. Sad for all the things we said we would do together and never got around to doing. Sad that this person doesn't seem to give a shit about me (at least in the same way) anymore. It was like something turned off inside of him. The part of him that loved me just vanished. I obviously don't know if this is true, but it is certainly the way I feel. He told me that I need to go do the things that I want to do with my life (go to grad school in another country), and that he needs to be doing things right by his kids, which makes sense.

So today I am bored. And I have managed not to do this so far, but I went ahead and checked his Facebook messages. Is this an invasion of privacy? I don't give a shit, so don't take me to task about this in comments, because I will dismiss that noise, real quick. And look at that! There are messages between him and another woman about him making a meal for her and showing her what he's learned about wine (THAT I TAUGHT YOU. YOU DIDN'T EVEN DRINK WINE WHEN WE MET) and other weird super fucking flirty stuff that I didn't read because my hands are shaking and I'm in a white rage and I am sick to my stomach. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS. If this were really about his children, then fine, I can live with that. I wanted to break up with him, for dog's sake. But it's been THREE DAYS. Is that how little respect for me or our five and a half year relationship you have?

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So we meet, and he is saying that it is not like that, and that that is just the way they talk. I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. How about a little goddamn respect?! I cannot even believe this is happening this way. He has said he wanted to be friends and that he would always be there for me, but I WILL REND HIM if this shit continues. I will make him unhappy. For real.

So now he is out (drinking) and I am home, waiting for a friend to come over and distract me. But I just cannot believe that this is my person treating me this way. Twisting me into a psycho ex-girlfriend. I can't be that person. I just can't. Oh hey, we also live together, as we have been for five years and three months, and my friend that I want to move in with isn't out of her lease until March. SO REAL FUCKING SWEET SET UP I'VE GOT MYSELF HERE.

Help. :(